Goals, Lifestyle

What does your success look like?

Look I know that the idea of having millions a swimming pool and thirty Gucci bags seems appealing but is that what your success really looks like? There are so many different ways to be successfully.

When I was younger I felt like success was becoming a doctor or a lawyer and having loads of money and obviously traveling like crazy and all that jazz. And sure traveling still appeals to me BUT, now I want my success to be more about how I feel rather than what I have.

I am not saying that money doesn’t appeal to me, because of course it does. And I would love to one day be able to do things that I can’t right now because I feel like I do not have enough money. But the thing is, no matter how much money you have, if you aren’t at peace within you, you will never be happy.

But you have to figure out what your success feels like, not just how it looks like. Because as we all know, not everything is as it seems.

Do you want to be able to help a lot of people? Do you want people to recognize you? Do you want to be a mysterious  person with an amazing talent but no-one knows your real name? Maybe your success is having 50 puppies, maybe its having 5 kids in a house near a beach and you can write your blog every other day. Who knows. But you should figure out, what will make you actually happy.

Some questions to ask yourself while thinking about this:

  1. Will having X make me want to wake up early in the morning to get my day started?
  2. What am I ready to give up in order to feel like that?
  3. Do I want it out of jealousy/ because it looks nice or because it will make me happy?
  4. Do I want this or does someone else want  this for me?

Good luck on your journey!

xoxo,

The Writer

 

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Goals, Lifestyle, Reading and Books

How to spend your free time

Last time I mentioned we shouldn’t rush all the time. That it is okay to just do one thing at a time and actually have pauses. But what to do when you want to do something semi smart and not just sit and what TV, game etc. Which is totally okay as well. Once in a while. What smart is there to do and why do something semi productive during your rest time?

  1. Go for a walk: Going for a walk is going to kill a lot of birds with one stone. You get exercise, that in turn will make your brain work better and you will be less stressed.
  2. Read a book, blog post/listen to a podcast that isn’t just about some fiction/love etc. Reading, no matter what you are reading is good for your cognitive health but reading self-help or something similar will not only activate your brain but might give you ideas to your life. Same goes with listening to a podcast. Plus you can actually do something else like clean up at the same time.
  3. Watch a documentary. Watching something smart can just boost your knowledge and broaden your life views and that is always a good thing. Who knows when someone will ask you who was the third roman emperor.  ( It was Julius Cesar by the way https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Roman_emperors#Emperors_after_395)
  4. Talk to a mentor. It doesn’t matter who it is. It could be a brother or mother or someone online who you just met. But talking to someone who inspires you and makes you excited to be better and to work harder can never be a bad thing. This is especially helpful when you are just starting out you personal development journey.  If you have difficulties there  will always be someone, somewhere willing to help and guide you.

Here are some tips that I like to use. I do not always do this and trust me I waste way too much time just on youtube looking at productivity tips. But I try my best to improve with becoming more active mentally and these tips help me at least.

Good luck and until next time,

xoxo,

The Writer

Lifestyle, personal development

Questions for yourself

We love to question the world. Why are there stars, how did everything start? What happens if I do this, and so on. But  I suggest that for now, slow down, and start questioning yourself.

I have been searching for myself for quite a while now. I continue to do so. And I have found that there are a couple of questions that when directed at myself, help me understand who I am and what I want better. I am still confused and lost and wondering around this planet feeling like there is so much to understand but it has gotten easier.

  1. How do I want to feel? This isn’t my idea. This idea belongs to an author and entrepreneur Danielle LaPorte. She coins this idea in her book The Desire Map. What the book is about, is finding out what your own core desires are. The feelings you want your goals to give you. I haven’t read this book yet, but from the interviews I have listened to, it makes sense. (The book is definitely on my to- read list)
  2. How do I want others to see me? This might seem to be counter productive, I mean it has become a boom to not give a flying f*** about what others say or think. But really if you want people to see you as a productive person, what can you do for that be productive. Would you want others to perceive you as productive and hard working if you didn’t want to be those things? Probably not. This doesn’t mean that you should do what others want you to do. But find out who you want others to see you as and you might find a couple of answers of who you feel you are.
  3. What are my thoughts, what aren’t?  Sometimes we mix our own thoughts with other peoples?. Not because they force us to agree on something, but simply because we don’t stop to thing if we agree or not. It is after all easier not to think. And then sometimes we are taught to think a certain way and we, later on, realize that that isn’t our thought or dream. For example, someone might be born into a family full of doctors. But they don’t want to be a doctor. But the follow the footsteps of the family because they feel they have to. But are they happy? Probably not.
  4. What are my limiting beliefs? Maybe your beliefs are something that you yourself have taught yourself to believe. Or it might be a joke that a friend of yours said at your expense but you believed them. No matter how you ended up believing in that idea make sure you stop doing it. I am not saying you can fly from a balcony if you just believe enough. But you can learn math, you can improve drawing skills, you can become more fluent while writing/speaking. Every one of those things requires hard work. But I am telling you, YES YOU CAN. And don’t dare tell yourself otherwise.
personal development, Positivity

Negativity- how to quit it

Negativity has been hot wired into our brain. It is one of the secret powers with which we have survived this far. But we do not really need negativity as we used to. I mean we don’t have to assume we will be attacked or anything along the lines. So why do we still hold on to negativity. Well evolution does happen very slowly, and thus it is our job to rewire our brains.

Disclaimer: This post isn’t about turning you into this rainbow pooping unicorn with no worries in the world. This is to help you see more good than bad, beaucause there really is a lot of good in the world as well.

  1. Be grateful. I am sure you have been shoved this from every person who is even a bit into personal development. But it is true. It is so easy to get stuck on thinking about what you do not have. That you totally disregard what is already there. So remind yourself every couple of days, of the things that make you smile. Maybe its your parents, your dog, your significant other, maybe it was the fact you got to read a great book. Just keep those things in mind as well, especially when your mind starts to wonder to the negative side.
  2. Write what you feel. You can call this a diary, journal what ever. Maybe just bullet points of  “Things that annoyed me today” and then write them out, and chances are that at least 3 things were just very silly. Someone walked onto your heel on a busy street. (and didn’t even ruin your shoes and apologized). One waited in the lights 3,5 seconds after the light turned green. And urg that cashier didn’t even say good day. After you have written those out, doesn’t it feel silly that the whole 16 hours that you are awake a day on average, you say has been shit for those reasons?
  3. Kind of a continuation from the last point. Don’t churn the negative things all the time. Let it goooo, let it gooo. Ok, I will stop singing now I swear. But really, a) no one needs to hear your whining ( unless its an actual legit reason why you need to open up to someone, never hesitate to talk or seek help). But talking for hours about how that driver was an asshole won’t do anything. It will just make you get into a negative cycle that will be very hard to exit. Trust me. I know what I am talking about.
  4. If the things that bother you are actual problem try to figure out if you can do something about. Had a fight with a friend. Could there be a way to have a discussion and sort it out? Yes there probably is, unless you murdered their dog or something. What about sh***** I JUST came up with a perfect come back to that thing that bully said to me over 10 years ago. Can you change that? Well not really without seeming very pathetic. (I mean can you imagine calling Billy at 2 am, 10 years later to tell him” hey, yo momma is so big…?)
  5. Do things you know will make you feel better. Read a book, go for a walk, buy a candle and burn it. What ever it is that you know that no matter what the day was like, you i will enjoy doing it. Watch a stupid comedy, what ever rocks your boat. I for one love to laugh after a shit day. I mean I am 21 but I still watch the pink panther cartoon once in while. I mean it is satisfying how the person who does everything wrong and is mean always gets a lesson at the end ( and Pink Panther gets away with everything 😀 )

I hope those tips help and I would love love love to hear what you do to be more positive if I didn’t mention it above. Or even if I did. ^^ Thanks for reading and as always comments are appreciated. (Also I have no idea why Billy is the bully’s name, nothing against Billy’s here 😀 )

-Alisa

Lifestyle, personal development

How to overcome overwhelm (or not get there at all)

Here we are again. The fall is upon us and the real life slaps us in the face an angry ex. The summer was so fun, but now we are back to the reality of everything. School started, or a new project at work. On top of that you have to do a billion of other things. Go to yoga, update blog, and with work or school (or worse yet both) you have more than just one obligation. And now you wake up at night with a feeling of a constrictor cobra squeezing your insides. Yay!

But what if we don’t have to feel overwhelmed? How to make sure, that you can enjoy almost every-single task you do, and not feel like it is sucking out the juices of life from within your soul?

First make sure you know that this isn’t something more serious like a burnout. If your overwhelm has already jumped over the edge and became a burnout I would highly suggest you check out my post about relaxing, why we should and how to do it. The link is here: https://balancedlife365.wordpress.com/2017/06/03/how-to-relax-and-why/

Now to the topic at hand

  1. Figure out why are you feeling like all the walls are falling on you? List all of the things you are “supposed” to do. Now from that list see if there is anything you can disregard. Do not take tasks on your plate that will make your energy bank get depleted. If you have extra things you just can’t do, then make sure you organize it so that you don’t offend anyone. If it is already promised, make a mental note not to promise things that make you feel like shit. As a side note, do not take away those things that bring you happiness in the long run or are there for your health. So, I think yoga should stay. But proofreading your friends essay for the next day, when you still have to write yours… well that can go.
  2. Now that your list looks more realistic. (Hopefully) figure out what the task monster is. A task monster is one task that seems so big and time consuming you feel like someone punched you in the gut right after reading that task. Now think of ways to make it smaller; more manageable. Make an action plan. All the tasks that are bigger than just 15 minutes of work, can be made into bite sized prices. You don’t eat a full pizza in one bite, so why should you do a huge project/essay that way?
  3. Make sure you haven’t got too much to do on one day. Make a to-do list that you know you can complete. Prioritize. If you have an essay in two days and a project in three weeks you could still work on both but definitely the essay is a priority. Even if the project is supper important. I think a smart to-do list would be: Finnish essay, do project for 30 minutes, activity you like. Or something similar.
  4. Do not do everything in one sitting. No matter who you are, people don’t concentrate well for more than 45 minutes and several studies show that even less. So don’t just sit on your butt for hours on end. Take pauses. But make them count. I can make a post about this later in detail. But if you sit in the same space with the same computer and that vacant look in your eyes, after your pause you won’t feel rejuvenated. Do anything at all but not computer or phone. Make that pause count. Stretch, meditate, visualize your dream life.
  5. Do not beat yourself over things not always being 100% perfect. Chances are that they never are. You can get an A+ on a paper and still have a couple comma mistakes. It isn’t the end. Done is better than perfect. And with every mistake you learn. So don’t beat yourself up. Make sure that every task you do is the  best that you can give at the moment, and then be proud you completed it.
  6. After you have finished the things you had time for that day. Stop. Do not do an all nighter. Do not sit for hours just to get that list less long. You will hate yourself next day and feel more overwhelmed. Make sure your evening has some time for yourself. Take a long shower. Read a book you love. Re-charge for tomorrow. You may wake up a bit earlier if you feel you need the extra time. But do not forget to take care of yourself. Sleep and food and exercise, meditation all of that is like fuel to a car. You can’t disregard it no matter how you have to get from place A to B.
  7. In order to not get overwhelmed or god forbid burnout, have one day a week with at least one afternoon just for you. It can be going out with friends. Reading a book. Making a bath. Going for a longer relaxed gym session (not the squat and go type) doing your nails or anything that will make you feel like yourself.
  8. I think this might be the most important. Do not let your negativity and self pity take you to the path of inflating the issue to be more big than it is. You can’t just not do the things you are obligated to do. So just sitting and crying for days over how unlucky you are and how life isn’t fair won’t help. I mean crying a bit can be helpful, to let out the feeling of frustration but then you have to wipe your face and get to business. No one else will do your work for you. So remember to make your health a priority but do not make it an excuse why you can’t do things.

I just had this feeling of overwhelm and just self pity to be honest. Felt like no matter what I did I was banging my head against the wall. That is why I wrote this post. I hope it helped and I hope everyone will feel energized and productive this fall.

A lot of inspiration for this post I got from this video, it is great, check it out! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDixLnjgRrw

As always, thanks for reading

-Alisa

Health, Life lessons, personal development

Change

Some of you might have noticed that I have been away a while. I have gone through a lot of change in the last month or so, and well it is catching up on me.

A lot of people who I hold dear are moving to new cities or even new countries, and even though I do not plan on stopping contact or anything like that it is certainly different not to have these people just couple of kilometers away.

On top of that change I am back to school for the fall semester and oh boy did we dive right into the studying. Not that I didn’t expect it. But it was a bit overwhelming after the summer.

Anyway this post won’t be as deep as my post usually are, more just rambling. But I do want to remind people that change isn’t bad. It makes life go forward and at some point you will see that things probably actually went to better than what you thought they would go.

You will lose people you love but some will stick around tighter than glue. You will learn more and more about yourself and you will learn about life. And that is the most exciting adventure after all. Just living your life to the fullest and not letting life paralyze you.

I am saying all of this as a reminder to myself as well, not to lose sight of my goals.  I am feeling quite out of the place. Uninspired I guess to a degree. Because I feel like I am so confused and in the middle of a tornado of feelings. And that is the reason I haven’t been here.

The pause is about to come to end and I should post a normal post next Thursday as per usual. Maybe I will post a little something to compensate or lack of activity here 😉

Thanks for reading

-Alisa

Health, Lifestyle, personal development, Spirituality

Why is meditation hyped? Should it be?

Here we are again my friends. Talking about meditation. Well why is it hyped? Meditation is an simple yet effective way to shut that monkey in our brain. It makes easier for us to focus on the tasks we should, but still gives us a possibility to go through out thoughts, without judgment of course.

A study done in Harvard University has scientific proof that not only is meditation good psychologicaly it enhances our brains physical performance, by building more gray matter. In as short time as 8 weeks MRI scans showed a increase in grey matter. This is something that explains why many people say that the benefits they reap from meditation aren’t plainly psychological or emotional, but also cognitive.

(Find the article here http://www.collective-evolution.com/2014/12/11/harvard-study-unveils-what-meditation-literally-does-to-the-brain/ )

This is great information. I am sure there are studies that show how meditation decreses risk for heart failure and for different forms of dementia. But is all the hype really necessary?

Yes and no. Look for me to tell that meditation is just bogus and stop waisting your time, would be hilarious considering I try to do it as much as possible. It helps me in so many ways, (all listed above) and I just want to make it a daily habit. So what is the down side of meditation?

It isn’t the act of meditating itself. It is the hype culture around it. Everyone in the personal development world makes it some kind of a super drug that will solve all your problem. Look mate, I am sorry to break it for you, but it isn’t. It really really isn’t.

First of all let us talk about the basic idea for mediation: Sit down in a lotus position, back straight and relax. Okay, let’s stop right there. My back hurts like hell in that position. Albeit it is my own fault because my back is just super weak, but I am not gonna get any relaxing done in that position. Try to make sure you aren’t thinking about anything. If a thought comes by, just let if float past.  What kind of a witch do you think I am. If I could just let it fly away I wouldn’t need meditation in the first place. Catch my drift here?

Get this misconception of meditation being this easy hack, out of your head. It is simple. It isn’t rocket science but it isn’t easy. You won’t even maybe feel the benefits of it, until you do it for a week. If you aren’t consistent then it might take you longer. So it isn’t a magic pill. It is a habit that you have to grow, in order to become better.

Then the second part why I think meditation is overrated, at least online, is how it is marketed. Sit, breath, ommm, relax. But the thing is that isn’t the only way to meditate. For someone it could be a walk. For some drinking coffee and listening to birds chirp. For someone its going riding on a horse etc etc.  There is no right way to mediate. Now I am sure that different ways affect us differently but in my opinion, the most important thing, is that you enjoy the process ( you are more likely to do it more often) and that your mind gets some peace and calm.

Personally I love to lay down and listen to a guided meditation. That way I can concentrate on the voice that guides me and breathing as told. Thus I am not as tempted to get sucked into my thoughts and worries.

How do you like to meditate?  Comment below what you think!

-Alisa

 

Life lessons, Lifestyle, personal development

Feelings, those pesky motherf****

Feelings shape our daily lives and makes life sometimes so much more complicated that it should be. And that is why I say, kick your feelings to the curb. Okay, maybe not that far. They are an important part of who we are and they make relationships of all kind work. Do not become a robot, just because feelings aren’t always logical. But I would suggest to give limited control over your life to feelings.

Let me give a couple of examples when feelings shouldn’t come into the drivers seat. (But they have been for me too once in a while, so no worries, I ain’t one to point a finger at you, my friend)

  1. When your feelings tell you, that you don’t feel like doing that thing. Do not listen to it. This is when your subconscious mind is for a reason or another telling you not to do something. Sometimes its fear of what you might achieve, and sometimes its just plain laziness. Either way, don’t listen to that feeling. Because you will never feel like doing something, unless its like super fun. So get your ass in gear and go what you got to do.
  2. Do not let yourself feel like a failure, if you didn’t reach a goal, or your grades weren’t as good as you wished etc. Look all of us feel like we aren’t enough once in a while and that is quite normal, means you do not have a unhealthy ego. But the thing is, if we let this failure mindset control our lives, we will never move forward and we will never try again. And that is a failure much greater than doing something wrong and learning from it.
  3. Jealousy. This one I think you can actually kick to the curb. I mean it doesn’t do anything to help you. Looking up to someone and getting motivated from that, that is great. But being jealous and wishing to get something by being negative about other persons success, that won’t lead you into the life of success. Hard work and consistency will.
  4. Fear. Do not silence it totally, because it  could be useful when you are about to do something stupid. But do not give it too much power, because that will paralyze you.

Thank’s for reading, I hope to hear what you think about this post, and if you have something to add please do.

Xoxo,

-Alisa

Life lessons, poetry

Are all ideas used? So what if they are?

 


Are all ideas used? I guess, you could say so, for all the words that come one of our mouths, all the ones we write have been written, many times over. But the way you connect a word with another, a sound to another. The way you describe a scene in a book, may be totally, new, at least to someone. And if it isn’t new, maybe this time the words stuck to the reader, something that the first time didn’t happen.

Of course you will hear people say that you are a copy cat; sneaky little fraud! But do you really write or create anything for those negative minds? Or do maybe write, paint or do art or what ever for you? Or maybe a selected few who chose to read and be positive about you?

I am not telling you to go and copy paste Shakespeare’s sonnet’s and say they are your own, nor do I encourage you to take a photo of a painting and repainting it stroke for stoke, for that, in my mind is stealing, of the worse kind. It isn’t stealing what someone has but also what someone is, and a true artist, will always understand it, weather his/her art is presented in a museum, a blog or on a stage.

Every word has been used, maybe every idea has been used. But there are ways of rearranging words and ideas to look exactly like you. It has yet not become a sin to agree on someones thought process, nor is it a sin to pour your soul out on the piece of paper, what ever the form may be.

So, please do not hide away the way you write, the way you think or the way you see. Say it all in your own voice, Show it all with your own hands, know it all in your mind, and you at least will have a peace of mind, that no matter what someone calls you, you aren’t a copy cap, you aren’t a sneaky little fraud, you are just you, who agreed on what 1000 other people have said before you and will say after you. And that doesn’t take away from you being you.


Soooo, I regard as myself as a writer, as a poet, as a blogger and as an artist (to name a few points) I love to write and experiment and oh I love love love poetry. I am not exactly the most advanced, nor have I read that much BUT I love writing it. For me it is much much easier than to write normally, but anyway, back to the topic at hand.

As an artist, writer blogger, hopefully future entrepreneur I realize that the ideas I have, aren’t unique to me. They have been said, done, expressed and though before. I might just be one of the many broken records (Personal development 101: remember to drink water, sleep 8 hours a night etc. etc.) But I do my best to write in my own style.

I try to be quirky and I try to be a little bit sarcastic and a lot realistic. I do not want to sound like a nanny, but like a boss as b*****. But I am rambling again, my point is; Even if you aren’t sure that your idea is unique, write it, paint it, make it.

Do not shy away behind other artists, there is always space for more of us. This is a community that we get to share our passion, our art. And as long as you know that you didn’t copy, then that is great.

If thought someone does point at you and say copy cat and even shows you why they say so. You might want to listen, sometimes they might be right. You didn’t do it on purpose I am sure. But she was such a great writer you had  to incorporate that style to your writing, but in the process of being inspired by someone you lost you own voice. That happens, oh believe me that happens to the best of people. Then you thank the person who pointed it out and you work on making sure that your own voice isn’t lost and that you can still be unique, even if someone affected you deeply with their art.

Remember in order to find your voice, you have to use it and get used to it, until others get used to it too, and when ever someone sees/hears your work, they can state a name within seconds.

Inspiration for this post came from these sources:

  1. My insecurity as a writer
  2. Elizabeth Gilbert- In her interview on Marie Forleo (love that channel, check her out on youtube, she interview such inspiring people)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyUYa-BnjU8

-Alisa